


Hope's Struggle

by LivingStoryWriter



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Gen, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2019-11-01 17:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17871755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingStoryWriter/pseuds/LivingStoryWriter
Summary: You wanted nothing more than to keep another murder from occurring… but of course things are never that easy.Takes place during Chapter Four of SDR2. So... spoiler warning, yo. Komaeda x Reader.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Graphic and bloody descriptions; some self harm in the name of leaving clues; angsty as shit; mentions of planned suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you try your best...

Hope was always at the forefront of Komaeda’s mind and mattered more than anything else to him. And, though you could definitely agree with the others that he could take things too far with this thought process, you really admired that quality in him. It was like a driving force, something that pushed him forward even in the darkest of situations. That helped to motivate and push you forward as well, no matter how hopeless everything seemed. Which is why this decision had been so difficult to make in the first place. Because, without knowing your true intentions, what could anyone see in this plan of action other than succumbing to despair?

Your heart clenched at the very idea of the others, especially Komaeda, being under the assumption that you’d completely lost any sense of hope. And you had no doubt in your mind that Monokuma was twist the situation to make things more enjoyable for whoever was controlling him. That’s why, as you looked around the Octagon, you found yourself desperate to find something you could use to write with. Anything that you could use as paper to communicate your final thoughts and wishes to those you’d be leaving behind. You wanted to leave no room for confusion or mistaking this for anything other than what it was.

You wouldn’t allow Monokuma and Monomi... The Future Foundation and their supposed traitor… World Ender... whoever was the mastermind behind this wretched killing school trip to tear your classmates apart any further than they already had. Your sacrifice would not become ammunition for this sick excuse of a game.

A frustrated cry left you as you tore and dug through everything only to come up empty handed. Not a single scrap of paper or anything that could be even remotely used as a writing utensil. It didn’t surprise you at all... but this was supposed to be the home of the ultimate weapon! Hadn’t Monokuma ever heard that the pen was mightier than sword?

Gasping, you quickly pulled your hand out of the box of knives you were digging through. A thin line of pink began trickling down your thumb. Sighing, you ripped a strip of cloth from the bottom of your shirt and wrapped it around the cut before a faint thought crossed your mind. Quickly jerking your hand back up to your face, you stared at the bright pink liquid with a pensive expression.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and nodded. You quickly went to work; grabbing a knife before catching sight of a small window. Curious, you walked over and looked out.

“What… but-” you murmured, your jaw suddenly dropping.

Immediately turning, you looked over to the hatch door on the ground. Holding your breath, you slowly walked over and opened the it. Peering down, you were greeted by the familiar green floor of Grape Hall. Tears rolled down yours face as a tired smile broke across lips.

“I never would've guessed it…” you exhaled as you did your best to stop the tears and closed the door.

**_CRASH!_ **

Your stomach dropped as your head snapped towards the loud sound. Your mind was suddenly running at a mile a minute, making any cohesive thought process difficult. But one thing... one absolutely terrible possibility was at the forefront of it all.

“No…” you whispered.

Had somebody already been in here and found out about the structure of the building? Were you too late to stop another killing? Jumping into action, you quickly moved to open the door before another scary thought occurred to you. What if ran into possible killer and they killed you as well? You didn’t want to think any of your classmates would do such a thing... but you’d all been betrayed so many times now. It was better to be safe than sorry. You had to leave something to help lead the others towards the truth of the buildings structure... just in case.

Hands slightly shaking, you pulled a knife out and took a couple of deep breaths. Turning and burying your face into your shoulder, you did your best muffle your crying as you sliced the knife across your palm. Blood immediately pooled in your hand and ran down your wrist as you pressed and swiped your hand across both sides of the door. There was no way Monokuma would allow you to get away with writing a message that point blank explained the mystery of the Funhouse. But you hoped he wouldn’t mess with clues that pointed everyone towards the truth.

Dropping through the opening, you knelt down and smeared another patch of pink on the floor before standing back up. Quickly grabbing your head, you did your best to steady yourself as everything began to spin and blur before you. You had to hurry, knowing you didn’t have long with how much your hand  was bleeding. Blood loss was one thing… but you were also severely dehydrated and malnourished.

Wincing, you stumbled forward and did your best to make your way down the stairs. One foot in front of the other, losing yourself more and more as you made it to the second floor. A shaky breath left you as you continued forward. Midway down the final staircase, you felt your footing slip as you went tumbling down and dropped the knife.

Gasping, you did your best to hold in your cries as your hands raced to your side. Just barely able to register it through the sharp pain, you could feel a wet spot growing on your shirt even before your injured palm reached it. “No… not yet…” you whimpered, your fingers weakly touching the hilt of the knife.

Tears streamed down your face as you forced yourself up and managed to shuffle forward, determined to make it to Grape Tower. Though, just barely making it past the statue and into the hall, you collapsed as you gasped  for air. Limbs shaking, you pushed yourself up only fall back to the floor. A sickening pit formed in your stomach as you realized how limited your options were becoming.

Taking a shaky breath and squeezing your eyes shut, you began army crawling your way forward. Muffled whimpers and cries filled the room as the knife scraped against the ground and shifted around within you. A languished cry finally managed to escape you as the knife tore its way out and clattered to the ground. Wrapping your arm around your waist and tightly clenching your teeth, you did your best to slow the bleeding and not cry out for help.

You couldn't turn back now. You'd come too far and, even of anybody did come running to your aid, it was too late. You'd already lost so much blood, the terrifying display of your struggle to move forward more than enough proof of that. And, even if someone like Mikan was still around, there was nothing within the Funhouse that would come close to constituting as first aid kit. You had to push forward or everyone would almost certainly meet their ends here.

“Almost there…” you whimpered as you did your best to gather your strength.

Hands completely stained pink and trembling, you reached forward and pulled against the ground with what little strength you had. But with nothing to really grip onto, your hands only slid around and smeared more blood everywhere. Slowly opening your eyes, you glanced at the knife. Just barely able to reach it, you grabbed hold of it by the blade, barely even noticing the added pain as it cut into your hand. Bringing it forward, you grasped the hilt and thrust the blade into the ground. Pulling forward with all of your strength, you felt yourself slide forward the smallest bit.

A morbid, breathy laugh escaped your lips. Komaeda would have been so happy. The smallest ray of hope making itself known even in the most despair inducing of situations. The blood pooling around you, at the very least, was the only thing keeping you going as it fought against any friction. Though, it was as you laughed, that the blade lost its grip, slipped out of your hold, and clattered just out of reach.

Staring forward, you saw that you were barely even halfway down the hall. As much as you hated to admit it, you could no longer deny your inability to make it over to the door. After all of the struggle and effort… it had been for nothing. You wouldn’t be able to offer any more help toward finding the truth of the Funhouse.

Consciousness slipping further and further from you, you sloppily wrote with what little strength you had left. Letting out a final sigh, you laid your down and stared at the green wall beside you. You couldn’t see how legible it turned out but you could only hope it would convey everything the others needed to know. You hoped they would find the truth. You hoped they wouldn’t be too angry when they realized why you’d even gone to the Final Death Room. More than anything, you hoped they’d keep fighting, moving forward and make it off this god forsaken Island. Your final thoughts were of hope… wouldn’t Komaeda be pleased?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the residents of Grape House find you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s fairly short and I have a fair amount more written. But I ended up deciding it’s more the beginnings of part three.

Another day trapped within the confines of the Funhouse. Which meant another day without a shower or nourishment of any kind. Yet another day of trying to ignore the hunger pangs and thoughts of desperation to get out. And yet another day of growing closer to death. That was the general thought process for just about everybody as of late. It didn’t take much to see how beaten down and hungry they all were. So another morning of Monokuma Tai Chi? It wasn’t the most enticing of options.

But what could they do? Refusal to participate and arriving late would only end in push back from Monokuma. And with how hopeless things already were… nobody wanted that. So, one by one, the few remaining students forced themselves to get out of bed and trudged their way towards Grape Tower.

Being the first up, Sonia was also the first to stumble upon the light trail of pink specks making their way down the stairs. Frozen and staring at the bespectacled floor, a pit formed in her stomach. She refused to let herself believe the worst. She couldn’t allow herself think that one of her classmates would kill another. They were all friends and they’d already lost so much. There… there was absolutely no way someone would would do such a thing after all they’d been through.

Taking a deep breath and assuring herself that there had to be some sort of harmless explanation, Sonia marched forward. Though she quickly found herself freezing at the bottom of the stairs, seeing rather large puddle of pink at the landing. Beyond the puddle, her gaze followed a trail of pink smears and spots that led past the beyond the statue in the middle of the room. This… couldn’t be happening. …Could it?

Heart racing and hands trembling, Sonia took a shaky breath as she stepped around puddle and slowly followed the trail past the statue. Time seemed to come to stop as her breath hitched, unable to look away from the horrors in front of her. Your body laid sprawled out with a pain filled yet resigned expression frozen on your tear and blood stained stained face. A knife, completely covered in pink, laid just out of reach of your outstretched arm. Smeared blood covered the floor both behind and in front of you, barely even distinguishable from the pool that had spread all around you. It was by far, one of the messiest crime scenes yet… like something straight out of a gory slasher film.

Sonia had always been interested in serial killers and crime related incidents but this… it was so horrific. The struggle you’d have to put up to leave such a mess behind… the pain etched onto your face. How alone and scared did you feel as you bled out? How long did you suffer before it finally ended? Tears quickly began welling up in her eyes as all of the questions and more swirled through her mind in hectic and chaotic mess.

Raising her arms and stumbling back, Sonia shut her eyes. If she could just erase the images from her mind… maybe then she could approach this with a level-head. But it far too late for that, the scene already seared into her mind. She couldn’t unsee your despair inducing end no matter how much she wished to.

It was all too much. Too much to take in. Too much to process. To much to handle. Finally, Sonia found her voice and let out a blood curdling scream. Already leaving their rooms, Hajime and Chiaki quickly bolted down towards the sound with Akane bursting out of her room not far behind. “Wha-what’s going on!? Is everything-!” Hajime asked, stopping short as he gawked at the scene.

**DING DONG DONG DING** the bells chimed as the monitors flickered on. “ _A body has been discovered!_ ” Monokuma exclaimed gleefully from the screens, sipping on his drink as he lounged in a wicker chair by a pool. “ _Now then, after a certain amount of time has passed, the class trial will begin!_ ”

Everyone stood still, not wanting to see or admit what was in front of them. But, much like every other crime scenes and executions they’d been exposed to, they also found themselves unable to turn away. Time seemed to be at a standstill as everyone tried to make sense of what was happening. “Wha-what the hell… is this…?” Hajime said, his voice barely above a whisper but seeming to be enough to finally break everyone out of their trances.

Chiaki was the first to take action, taking care to not tamper with any possible evidence as she made her way past your body. Staring after her, the others could only wonder what was going on in her head as she carefully maneuvered her way over Grape tower. Reaching out, her hand hesitantly hovered before the button to open the door. Even at first glance, everything about this scene pointed towards the tower. The knife laying in front of the door and the smears behind you making it appear that you’d been trying to make it in. There had to be a reason to it all, why else would you have exerted so much energy… struggled so hard and made such a mess in your last moments. Still though… she worried about what could possibly waiting beyond this point. What if it was something even worse than what had already been discovered.

The what’s and uncertainty didn’t matter now though. Another classmate… another friend was dead. Chiaki couldn’t and wouldn’t allow herself to falter in the battle of hope against despair. She had to be strong and keep pushing forward… for everyone’s sake and so your presumed efforts wouldn’t be in vain. Taking a deep breath and shaking her head, she strengthened her resolve and pushed the button.

The doors swung open, sudden and quick. Chiaki stood frozen and staring ahead as the others stumble forward, each of them trying their best not to tamper with any evidence. **DING DONG DONG DING** the bells chimed as everyone came to a halt and looked on in horror at the oil splattered room and dismantled remains of Mechamaru.

“ _A body has been discovered!_ ” Monokuma exclaimed gleefully as the monitors lit up with his image once again. “ _Now then, after a certain amount of time has passed, the class trial will begin!_ ”

Slowly looking back and forth between the two bodies, Hajime felt his hands shake. “It’s… it’s so strange…” he murmured, his voice sounding distant and barely even registering to himself as he tried to comprehend and make sense of the situation they’d all suddenly found themselves in. “Why… why is this… happening?”

Two friends had been lost in one night yet again. Both of the fallen were those who would’ve, and looked to have from the state of the rooms, put up quite a fight as well. Could one of their friends really have been driven to the point of such brutal killings after all they’d everyone has been through? Everyone had been supposed to make it out together. Were these deaths ever going come to a stop?

“He finally… he finally came back to us…” Hajime choked out.

Pinching themselves, Hajime and Sonia seemed desperate to believe that this might just be a dream… no a nightmare of sorts. If they could just wake up… confirm that it wasn’t real. That would be so much better than facing the truth of it all. But, of course, the world Monokuma and Monomi had trapped them in would never be so kind.

“N-Nekomaru too…? N-no… this is a lie, right…?” Sonia asked.

“Based on our situation and the body discovery announcements…” Chiaki said, her tone deadly serious. “It’s unfortunate but… there’s no doubt that two more killings have happened.

“Why…” Hajime got out as the sound of approaching steps echoed behind them

“Oh my god…” Akane said, stumbling to a halt as she discovered your body before noticing everyone was looking at something else. “Hey, what happened!?”

Looking back, everyone stared at Akane. Finding your body was shocking enough but she’d also been the closest out of everyone with Nekomaru. She was undoubtedly the one who would take his loss the hardest. Searching for words, they all tried to find word. How were they supposed to break it to her. What could any of them possibly say that would soften the shock and blow?

“A-Akane…” Hajime said, trying to block her view of Mechamaru’s remains.

Deep down, he knew there was no hope to this endeavor. Nothing would keep Akane from finding out. From hurting and having to mourn this loss. Nobody was safe from pain in this killing game. As if the situation hadn’t already been despair inducing…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda wanting this to cover the entirety of chapter four at this point. Will I actually follow through with this desire? Only time will tell~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito thinks back on the past

**DING DONG DONG DING** the bells chimed as all of the monitors throughout Strawberry House flickered on. “ _A body has been discovered!_ ” Monokuma exclaimed gleefully from the screens, sipping on his drink as he lounged in a wicker chair by a pool. “ _Now then, after a certain amount of time has passed, the class trial will begin!_ ”

Quick as it appeared, Monokuma’s image disappeared and left Nagito to look at his reflection in the dark screen. He was surprised to see a nervous frown already spreading across his lips. Two body discovery announcements airing in such a short span of time… it was reminiscent of the last case. But where Mikan had killed out of a despair induced delirium...these killings would have to have been out of sheer hope. A hope to escape… to survive. 

Normally, the thought of such a clash of hopes would have instantly set Nagito's heart aflutter. But now… there was a cold, tight knot forming and twisting in the pit of his stomach… a lump stuck in his throat that seemed to be restricting his ability to breath… a sinking suspicion that he didn't particularly want to see just who had been killed this time.

It was true, Nagito hadn't seen or heard from you since last night. He hadn't thought much of it when you'd excused yourself from his side, using the excuse of needing to clear your mind in the garden without him even asking. It wasn’t like you to seek out solitude but he’d shrugged it off at the time. If anything, he’d been hopeful that you were finally reaching the point of taking him up on his offers and just needed to strengthen your resolve before approaching him about it.

And if that wasn’t the case? Well, it wouldn’t have surprised Nagito if you’d finally grown sick and tired of his company. If anyone were to ask him, it'd been a long time coming and inevitable from the start. Why such a beacon of hope and talent had taken interest in trash like him was mind boggling as it was. The fact you'd stuck around him this long… well it must have just been his luck at play.

Now though… now Nagito found that his knees were shaking as he wondered if he should’ve offered to come along. He was completely for the idea of someone bringing about the next trial and seeing two hopes coming to a head once again. But the thought of you having being the one to have been killed… having been betrayed and left to die alone rather than with everyone else… by his side… that sent a shiver down his spine.

Crossing his arms, Nagito frowned and shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. It wasn’t even for sure that you’d been killed. For all he knew, you could’ve done the killings. But if that were the case… why wouldn’t you have come to him for help in it? Why wouldn’t you have confided in him when he’d been more than forthcoming in his wishes to be a stepping stone for you? It just wouldn’t make sense… especially not when, just hours before you’d gone off on your own, you’d broken down and tearily confided in him your wishes to see everyone escape the Funhouse. It’d been tearing you apart to see your classmates growing weaker and more hostile towards each other with every passing day. He just couldn’t see you killing one, much less two, of them. But that still didn’t mean you had to be one of the bodies recently discovered.

It was almost comical as Nagito thought about it… that he’d grown to care so deeply for you was something he never could have foreseen or planned for. With how much he’d lost in life, he’d never been all too interested in forming lasting connections. He hadn’t been the type to actively push others away but he’d always kept them at an arm's length. He’d been perfectly content to watch from the sidelines or do his best to help foster hope in others. But you’d somehow pushed past all of his passive barriers.

_ Ever since arriving on the island, you’d been so exceptionally kind and affectionate toward Nagito. You'd just seemed to gravitate towards him and actively want to interact. Conversations had come so easily and naturally for you two. You’d laughed at his dry sense of humor and always had a smile on your face around him. On repeated occasions, you'd enthusiastically pulled him off towards something you’d found and given him little gifts that were oddly suited to him.  _

_ “I saw this and immediately thought of you! Do you like it?” _

_ And then Monokuma had revealed that everyone had lost their memories. As everyone had begun dispersing, you'd asked Nagito meet you on the beach later. Not knowing exactly what to expect, he'd soon found you sitting on the sandy shore and staring up at the night sky. It had been fairly dark my the tears in your eyes shone in the moonlight. _

_ You'd looked at Nagito with an embarrassed expression when you'd noticed his arrival and swiftly rubbed the tears out of your eyes with your sleeve, trying to laugh it off with pitiful excuse of having gotten sand in your eyes. But he hadn't pushed the subject. If you wanted to talk, he'd listen but he wasn't one to go out of his way to deepen a relationship. _

_ “The stars are beautiful tonight… so bright…” _

_ Bright like your smile when you forgot about your worries. Bright like your eyes shone when you got excited. Bright like the future your talent could easily take you toward. Bright like the hope Nagito saw within you. _

_ It had been then, as Nagito caught himself staring at you, that he'd noticed you shivering slightly in the night breeze. Uttering his agreement on the matter, he'd shrugged off his coat, wrapped it around your shoulders, and sat down beside you. You'd quietly thanked him, a light blush on your face as you'd slipped on the coat and pulled it closer. _

_ For a while the two of you had just sat in silence. The sound of the waves hitting the shore and twinkle of the stars had done all the talking while you had simply basked in each other's company. It was you that had finally broken the silence. _

_ “Do… do you think we've really lost our memories of the last few years?” _

_ Nagito had been taken off guard by it as he'd looked over, your watery gaze stayed trained toward the horizon as your arms blocked your expression from view. But he didn’t need to see your face in that moment. You body language and voice told him all he’d needed to know. Your voice had been so fragile and strained, as though it was taking every ounce of your effort and self control to keep from breaking down entirely. And you had trembled… shaking like a leaf as your knuckles turned white from how tightly you’d been grasping at his coat. You’d looked about ready to crack and shatter at the slightest touch.  _

_ Slowly, he’d reached out before hesitating and hovering his shaking hand before your shoulder. You’d looked over at the movement and glanced at his hand before raising your gaze to his. Staring at him was the most broken and vulnerable expression he’d ever seen. It’d tugged at his heart to see one that was usually such a source of hope and joy drowning in such despair. And then, before either of you knew what was happening, he was holding you into a tight embrace as you sobbed out the concerns you had for your family and friends. The fears you felt towards the killing game and everybody's lives. The insecurities that'd you'd suffered in silence for longer than you'd cared to remember. _

_ A sense that you were and always would be lying to everyone. Feelings of otherness and deep rooted fears of rejection from those you'd held closest to your heart. Always trying but failing to meet others ideals and expectations of you. Wanting more than anything to just be yourself but being too scared of what others would think. All this and more had tumbled from your mouth as you'd held onto Nagito with all of your might, seeming to fear he'd have turned and left if you'd given him the chance. _

_ “W-wha-what if ev-everyone h-hates th-the r-real m-m-me!?” _

_ It'd been much more than Nagito had ever thought he'd learn about you and so much more than he could’ve hoped you’d ever trust him with. He'd seen no issue with who you proclaimed to truly be. Things like that really made no difference to him either way. You were either a source of talent and, in turn, a beacon of hope or you weren't. That's what mattered most in his eyes. _

_ But that you'd lived in silence with such weight on your shoulders for long and still worn a smile everyday… now that was a true sign of hope. Maybe it had been Nagito's natural desire to foster hope and talent but something had stirred within him as he’d held your trembling form. Rubbing gentle circles on your back and consoling you to the best of his ability, a light smile crossed graced his lips as he’d vowed to put exceptional care toward your hope. _

_ After a while, you’d cried yourself out and, to Nagito’s surprise, fallen asleep in his arms. Rather than wake you up, he’d taken it upon himself to get you to bed and begun carrying you bridal style back towards the hotel. Admittedly, he’d had pause to take in how adorable you had looked with his coat engulfing you as your head gently rested against his shoulder. Blushing as you'd snuggled into his hold and and leaned into his body heat, he’d continued forward and reached your cabin.  _

_ Unsurprisingly, Nagito had found that the door to your cabin happened to be unlocked, though whether that had been due to his luck or you being too trusting of others was up for debate. With the utmost precision, he’d made his way in, closed the door, and gently laid you in your bed. Standing up and stretching, he'd glanced around and noticed just how fitting the interior of your cabin was to your personality. Signs of your talent and interests littered the room, the small touches here and there hinting at just how much of yourself you put into everything you did. It'd made him smile to get yet another intimate look into your personality. _

_ Turning, Nagito had debated with himself for a moment before leaning to take his coat back. But it'd seemed that you'd grown rather attached to the comfy article as you'd sleepily snuggled deeper into the coat. A light chuckle had escaped him as he'd shook his head, doing his best to maneuver the coat from you. Lightly whimpering, your subconscious had decided to fight back as you'd grabbed the nearest offending hand and rolled over to hug like one might with a teddy bear. Nagito had been rather caught off guard by the affection and tumbled into the bed, miraculously landing beside and not on top of your sleeping form.  _

_ Sensing the new source of warmth, you'd snuggled up to Nagito and latched onto his shirt like a sleepy, parasitic force. It'd taken him a moment to figure out just what had happened but a blush had immediately overtaken his face once his mind had managed to piece everything together. A string of stutters and panicked sounds had quickly begun to escape him as he'd tried to pry your grasp from his from his shirt. Though all this had done was cause you to haphazardly smack one of your hands over he his mouth and snuggle even closer as you'd whined that he was being too loud. His blush had only deepened at this as his voice was suddenly became caught in his throat.  _

_ Slowly, he’d taken your hand into his trembling hold and removed it from over his mouth. Lowering your hand, he'd wondered how you could possibly sleep with loudly and quickly his heart had begun beating. He couldn't imagine it not disturbing you with how you'd forced yourself so close to it.  But, as he'd set your hand down, all he could see was you peacefully sleeping with a light smile on your face. _

_ Sighing, Nagito conceded as he'd realized there wouldn't be any getting out of this without waking you up and he just hadn't had it in him to do so. You'd looked so peaceful and happy, so hopeful. After seeing you so consumed with despair, he'd not been able to stand the idea of of taking this moment of peace from you. What terrible luck, to make you wake next to trash like him. _

_ The two of you had awoken the next morning, sand scattered about your bed while you'd stayed cuddled up close to Nagito as he'd held you in a warm embrace. You'd been confused and mortified at first but calmed down as he'd apologized and explained led to such an outcome. The worst of the embarrassment had yet to come after all.  _

_ “I-it's really not what it looks like!” _

_ Most everyone had already seemed to have their own suspicions that you two might have had growing feelings for each other. But Ibuki and Souda had both caught you two leaving your cabin together and overacted. This had garnered Hiyoko's attention and of course Monokuma had shown up and made the situation even worse. By the time breakfast started, everyone's suspicions have been cemented.  _

_ Some made snide or teasing comments here and there about the matter, Monokuma, Teruteru, Souda, Ibuki and Himiko being the worst perpetrators of all. Most others stayed quiet though, the circumstances everyone was facing making the very prospect take on a depressing connotation. But then the first killing had occurred and everyone could only wish for such light hearted times. _

_ You’d done your own investigating on your own as Nagito and Hajime went off together did your best to argue down any inconsistencies that came up during the class trial. But more and more things began adding up and pointed towards a truth you didn't seem to want to face. And then Hajime finally asked Nagito if it had been him. You’d immediately jumped to Nagito's defense, refusing to believe he could have done something so cruel despite all of the coincidences and facts being laid out in front of you. Hajime shot down all of your arguments, an almost pitying expression on his face as you grasped for anything that would allow you to keep your faith in Nagito. That'd you'd even had so much faith in trash like him in the first place had caught him off guard. _

_ “That's ridiculous! Nagito would never do that!” _

_ It was only as Nagito had interrupted you with muffled laughter that you’d stopped trying to desperately shoot down Hajime’s logic. The rest of a the trial was a downward spiral from there on out, the truth of the situation bubbling to the surface as you tried fruitlessly to argue and deny what was being said. But as more and more was revealed, you slowly withdrew. Eventually, you’d gone completely quiet and just stared at Nagito with a distant expression. You'd usually been such an open book. But, in those moments, nobody could guess tell what thoughts were swarming through your head. _

_ After Teruteru's execution, Sonia had turned and quietly asked you if you were alright. Everyone, Nagito included, had fixed their attention to you as you stared off with distant and watery eyes. Not uttering a word, you’d shakily moved from your spot and walked towards Nagito with slow and deliberate steps.  _

_ Once you had reached him, you’d stood frozen for a second as you stared up at his face. But then something inside of you seemed to snap as you broke into tears and grabbed the front of his shirt. It was a much different grasp than when you'd clung to him in your sleep. That one had been so warm. This one, he'd thought as you'd pulled him down to eye level with you, was cold and angry. There'd been no hope or kindness in your gaze in that moment. _

_ Chiaki had raced to pull you off Nagito as you screamed at him to explain himself. If it hadn't been for Nekomaru quickly intervening then your attempt to pull away from Chiaki and lunge at Nagito may have even ended successfully.  _

_ “We were all supposed to get off of this island t-t-together! H-how could- why w-would you- wha-what could p-p-possibly p-possess you t-to-!? W-w-we...  _ **_I trusted you_ ** _!” _

_ Such an angry and tearful reaction was so different than the cheerful disposition and smile that everyone had grown so used to seeing on you. Though, as you had gradually given up on escaping from Nekomaru’s ironclad hold, you’re anger had slowly dwindled and morphed into utter anguish. Sobs had wracked your body as your legs gave out. _

_ It'd taken a long while for you to calm down after all was said and done. Nagito hadn't seen or talked to you again until after everyone had found out about what Nekomaru and Souda had done with him. Truth be told, he’d been rather surprised to see you at all but you were the first to go and pay him a visit. You were clearly furious and had spent the entirety of your first visit just staring at him in silence as he spoke to you as if nothing were wrong, eventually leaving without a word.  _

_ But you had come back a few hours later and this time with a plate of food. It wasn’t much, just a couple of pieces of toast and a small bit of cured ham and a glass of water, but Nagito had graciously accepted it. It’d been awkward and a bit embarrassing when the two of you had come to the realization that he would need your assistance to eat, his voice cracking slightly as he'd voiced the realization. You had immediately turned your gaze to the floor as a light pink tint spread across both of your faces. you but the two of you had done your best to hide your embarrassment as you'd helped him sit up and fed him. _

_ “Was everything… was it all just one big joke to you?” _

_ It was only as Nagito had been finishing the food that you'd finally put a stop to your silent treatment and he’d been a bit taken aback to suddenly hear your soft and wavering voice, suddenly beginning to sputter and choke on the water he'd been drinking. Panicking, you'd quickly lowered the glass from his lips, set it down, and began firmly patting his back in an attempt to help. Reaching the end of his cough fit, he’d turned his gaze to the floor as everything suddenly began coming together for him.  _

_ Nagito's mind reeled as he’d tried to comprehend the true consequences of his actions. His attempt to strengthen everyone's resolve and hope had put so much into question for you. Everything that had occurred between the two of you. The whole of that night on the beach. He could only assume that you must've been terrified of what he might do with everything that you'd told him. He'd cursed his luck for adding to your inner turmoil. But, at the same time, he also hadn't been able to suppress his grin at the revelation that this was a wonderful motive if there ever was one. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thaaaaaaat's right! Chapter three is a two parter! Cause I hot 3,000 words and finally had to say enough is enough :'D


	4. Chapter 3.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito finishes thinking back on the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly really proud of some different moments in this chapter! It was so fun to write all this back story for Nagito and the reader character for the last 2 chapters. I hope you all enjoy it!

_ Ideas of driving you to murder quickly began filling his mind. Killing him out of the hope to keep him quiet… to keep your secrets safe. Then you'd have to hide your involvement and lie to everyone out of a desperate hope to cling to life. The hope and need to survive would almost surely drive forward your every action at that point. It wasn’t ideal to purposely drive such a beacon of hope into further despair. But hope would bloom and inevitably overtake that despair. To bring about such a hope you’d surly never experienced before... the very thought of such a wondrous outcome had sent chills down his spine! _

_ Nagito had quickly turned his crazed stare towards you and asked what you'd thought the answer was. You'd met his gaze with watery eyes as he’d continued his take down of your remaining dignity. His heart had clenched at the sight of your quickly dropping expression but he'd pushed on, a laugh escaping him as he’d scolded you for being so trusting, mocked you for opening yourself up to him. His laughter had only continued  as he’d mentioned that he could tell everyone and there was nothing you could do to stop him. It was as tears began rolling down your face, your expression easily giving away just how close to the edge you were, that he’d gone in for the kill. _

_ Crazed eyes stared into yours, red and puffy, as the two of you had sat in a heavy silence.. Finally… a small, broken laugh had left you, breaking the silence. Looking down, you'd slowly brought you arm up and begun rubbing the tears from your eyes, another couple of small laughs escaping you. Grabbing your head, it wasn't long before you'd slipped into a fit of unstable giggles. Your teary laughter had quickly filled the room, leaving Nagito absolutely sure you'd taken the bait and would undoubtedly take him up on his offer.  _

_ “Stop it! I’m not going to kill you! I-I could never do that! I won't! So stop even suggesting it! And please stop calling yourself trash! You're so far from it! You're- I- you just-! You... mean so much... to me, Komaeda-Chan…” _

_ And just like that, Nagito had suddenly found himself unable to respond, his visions of you killing him coming to a swift end with the sudden and bitterly affectionate use of his first name. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room as he'd managed to notice that your laughter had long since morphed into sobs, your arms wrapped around your torso to hug yourself. Your body had been violently shaking, each sob sending a new quake through you.  _

_ Finally looking up, you’d stared at Nagito in such a way that left him feeling far helpless and at a loss of how to help ease your pain. It was with the same broken expression you’d worn while breaking down after the class trial… it was an expression that had been forever seared into his memory to act as a constant reminder of how he’d never be good enough for you or your affections. He’d longed, more than anything in that moment, to pull you into a warm embrace and take all the pain away but the restraints made that impossible. _

_ “I just wish I’d realized sooner that… I didn’t to you…” _

_ Taking a shaky breath, you’d shanken your head with a mortified expression and rubbed your eyes before shakily standing up. Nagito had stared at you, fear filling the pit of his stomach as you’d turned to leave. It was true he’d known better than anyone he didn’t deserve your affections in the first place. But there was something within him that hadn’t wanted to let you leave on this note, something that had been screaming at him to say something… anything before you could walk out of the room. Nearing the door, you’d reached out just as he’d found himself falling to the ground in an desperate and unconscious attempt to crawl after you. _

_ “ _ **_I- I'm sorry, ______! None of it was joke to me! Please don't leave me!”_ **

_ It'd been as much a surprise to Nagito as you when those words had tumbled out of his mouth, a terrified expression having crossed his face as soon as he'd realized just what he'd said. Curling into a ball and hiding his face, he’d refused to look to see you reaction or allow you to see his growing fear. What had he even been thinking to have voiced such foolish sentiments!? Even if you had been telling the truth... that he could be anything more than trash in your eyes. Or even if he had felt unnervingly enamored by you… he couldn't risk letting you get close to him and his luck. He wouldn't put you in that kind of danger. To do such- _

_ The downward spiral of negative, self deprecation had suddenly been cut short as you had sat down and pull Nagito up with the most tender touch he’d ever felt. Keeping his head low, he’d refused to look up in a desperate attempt to hide just how uncomfortably vulnerable he’d become. But that had seemed to be a losing battle as you’d softly lifted his chin and caused him to meet with your gaze. It had been so gentle and accepting… so loving. The tables had suddenly turned as it was no longer your frame that was trembling but rather his, previously unnoticed tears suddenly beginning to escape his eyes _

_ “It's okay... you can let it all out. I'm not going anywhere.” _

_ It'd amazed Nagito that, even after everything, you'd even been able to look at him with anything other than hatred. He'd caused you so much pain. But, you were still so kind and patient with him… so caring. Even when most everyone wanted to ignore him during Mahiru’s investigation and trial, you’d listened to everything he’d had to offer. You’d stood by his side and had done your best to mediate when the others had begun to become especially cruel towards him or he’d started to get especially carried away on a tangent about hope. _

_ Nobody had understood why you'd still been so attached and caring toward Nagito, least of all himself. But everyone had seemed grateful to some extent though, knowing he shouldn't have been able to stir up too much trouble with you practically attached at the hip, going as far as to regularly sleep in each other’s cabins. And no matter how hard he would try to convince you to kill him so that you could get off of the island safely and let him become a stepping stone towards your ultimate hope, you wouldn’t budge on it. You’d just taken his hands in yours, shaken your head, and told him that wasn’t an option before pulling him into a tight embrace. _

_ It'd terrified him to think about what horrible luck could possibly be awaiting to balance out your being in his life but you had refused to leave him. Even when he'd insisted that his luck would end up hurting you. Even when he went on and on about how he wasn’t good enough for someone like you. You'd seemed absolutely determined to improve his self-image and prove his fears misplaced but he'd known… he'd known it was only a matter of time. And a matter of time it was. It was, afterall, undoubtedly his fault that you’d to come down with the despair disease.  _

_ You’d refused to leave Nagito’s side through all of the all of the insults he'd spewed, only parting from him when Monokuma had pointed out the memo in the waiting room of the hospital. You’d taken his coat with you, hoping the familiarity of it would ease you into sleep despite missing his presence beside you. But you’d come back the next morning looking absolutely exhausted, clearly having gotten little to no sleep. And seeing Nagito in such a weak state while throwing yet more insults and yelling at you to stay away from him had eventually sent you over the edge. _

_ Hajime had thankfully been entering the room when Nagito had slapped you in response to your tiredly leaning over and to brush his hair out of his eyes. You’d frozen, tears building as he’d begun yelling at you to keep your disgusting hands away from him, laughing and calling you pathetic as the tears had begun to fall. Hajime had been quick to run over before things could escalate any further, helping you up, looking at Nagito, and shaking his head with sigh before he’d led you out. Nagito had grabbed his head, laughing as he’d continued to shout that he was happy to see you go. _

_ Nagito wasn’t sure what had transpired between then and when you’d finally succumbed to the despair disease he’d undoubtedly passed along to you. Fuyuhiko had supposedly been the first to come across you and all of your undeserved despair. He'd been on his way back to the hospital and found you standing on the beach near the airport. You'd already be trembling before he'd approached you but you'd become incredibly fidgety and skittish at his very presence, barely able to even squeak out an incomprehensible string of stutters. He’d had just been about to ask you what was wrong when Hajime had arrived and asked what the two of you were doing there. You'd been sent into hysterics at this, catching them both off guard as you’d begun screaming and backing away from them.  _

_ Having stepped on coconut you’d ended up falling into the sand and turned into mess of trembles and tears, begging them to leave you alone. If they hadn’t known better, they would’ve sworn you’d switched personalities with Mikan. The two had glanced at each other in concern before Hajime had tried to slowly approach and ask you if there was anything they could do to help calm you down. But this had only led to you hastily scrambling up and running away from the two of them as fast as your legs would carry you. They'd been quick to run after you, calling after you to please stop so they could talk to you and figure out what was going on.   _

_ Out of breath, they’d eventually managed to catch up with you at the theater and were sent into further confusion to find that you'd claimed a dark, curtained off corner as your hiding place and refused to come out. They'd both done their best to talk to you but had quickly backed off, concern growing as the curtain began shaking from your trembling and stuttering pleas to be left alone. _

_ Things had only been exacerbated when Monokuma had appeared to gleefully declare you'd come down with the despair disease known as the Anxiety Disease. Monomi hadn't been far behind and had quickly begun trying to comfort and calm you, though that had only worsened your already petrified state which both absolutely devastated Monomi and utterly delighted Monokuma.  _

_ Hajime, having had grown frustrated and tired of the two's antics, had left to get help when he'd realized there was no chance of  coaxing you out of your hiding spot on their own. He'd quickly explained his plan to Fuyuhiko, who'd agreed to stay behind to keep an eye on you while Hajime would go for the video meeting. Not even five minutes had passed when Hajime returned with Gundham in tow. Fuyuhiko had curtly nodded towards the trembling curtain, allowing Gundham to observe for a moment and noticed that you were seated in fetal position.  _

_ Taking a deep and slow breath. Gundham had quickly drawn on his past experiences with helping frightened animals and made his way towards you. Speaking in a soft and gentle tone, he’d first told you of his approaching presence and made it clear that he bore no ill will towards you. Kneeling before your hiding spot, he'd given you a few moments to grow used to his being near you before commanding his Four Dark Devas to administer their anti-anxiety techniques to you.  _

_ San-D and Maga-Z had immediately gone to work, scampering over to you and testing the waters. You’d been huddled up with your face buried in your legs and arms so you’d only responded with muffled whimpers at their tiny squeaks while they’d begun crawling up to shoulders. As they’d sat down, they’d gently nuzzled against your the sides of your head. Slowly looking up, you’d felt Jum-P tiredly crawl his way up onto the top of your head where he’d curled up into a sleepy ball of fluff. Finally, Cham-P had made his way to your knees and stared calmly into your teary eyes before gently nudging you hands. Shakily, you’d moved your hands and allowed the largest of the four Devas to crawl into them.  _

_ Gundham had then softly let you know he, Hajime, and Fuyuhiko were about to pull back the curtain before slowly removing the barrier between you and the three of them. You’d looked up at the three boys and whimpered, tears threatening to spill from your eyes yet again. Hajime had nervously glanced at Gundham before kneeling to meet be at eye level with you. Gently offering his hand, Hajime waited for you to make the next move as he’d done his best to explain that they just wanted to help you. You’d whimpered in response, pressing closer to the wall only for the four Devas to do their best to comfort and encourage you. _

_ Finally, after a fair amount of reassuring from the three boys that they meant you no harm, you’d reached out a trembling hand and allowed Hajime to help you up. The three had patiently led you to the hospital while the Deva’s had continued trying to keep your nerves at bay. It’d been mostly smooth sailing until they’d tried to take you past the lobby and to the only vacant room, a switch seemingly flipping in you as Gundham had gone ahead and opened the door to the hallway. _

_ A terrified scream had reached Nagito’s room, loud and panicked sobs having followed not long after. He’d been so weak and out of it at the time but he’d easily recognized it as yours voice. Mikan had rushed out of the room to see what was wrong, leaving Nagito with a growing sense of fear and concern for you. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to covey it as his disease had made it impossible to do anything other than lie but he’d found himself weakly forcing himself out of bed and stumbling toward the screams and sobs nevertheless.  _

_ Tumbling ro to the ground, Nagito had made it to the hallway just in time to have caught sight of the others trying to get you past his room and into the vacant room, the Devas having all leapt over to their breeder in order to avoid getting hurt. You'd been fighting against them in a blind panic, the panic only seeming to have increased as you'd noticed Nagito’s presence. A gleeful laugh had slipped through his parted lips as he took in the scene, his voice weak and raspy. _

_ “ _ **_S-so pathetic… you r-really should just… k-kill yourself and end th-thhis! N-nobody would m-miss you anyway!_ ** _ ” _

_ You'd screamed and begged to be let go, Hajime having finally managed to have gotten you into the vacant room with Gundham close behind. Nagito's heart had ached to see you in such distress, he'd wanted to run after and help calm you down but all that had come out was more laughter and cruel words as Mikan and Fuyuhiko got him back into his own bed. _

An immediate wave of guilt crashed over Nagito at all of the memories. Ever since the despair disease had been cured, you'd been more on edge all through the investigation and trial. You were much quieter and uncharacteristically clingy towards him as of late. You needed constant reassurance from him, a lot of what he’d said while overcome with the lying disease seeming to have stuck with you. It'd been strange and foreign, someone being so needy and insecure towards him. And it had all felt so wrong to have been coming from such a beacon of hope and talent as yourself. He was the one who didn't deserve you so why had you seemed so convinced it was the other way around?

But why had you ever accepted utter trash like him in the first place? Why’d you taken all the pain he’d caused you with such forgiveness? Why’d you opened up and shown him just how much he'd underestimated hopes true brightness? What had he done to deserve any of the kindness and affection you’d shown him?

"Are you coming or not!?"

Suddenly being shaken out of his memories and musings, Nagito looked back and saw Souda staring at him from halfway up the staircase with a panicked and angry expression. It was clear he’d lost track of time while in thought but just how long had it been to have one of the others actually come to get him? Pushing his concerns aside for the moment, Nagito donned a carefree and friendly smile as he nodded.

"Ah, of course! My apologies for keeping you waiting on trash such as myself."

Pausing before he followed after the pink haired mechanic, Nagito felt a hard to swallow lump form in his throat at the sudden reminder of your absence. You would always tell him off for referring to himself in such a fashion so he’d almost been hoping you’d come down the stairs with a pointed expression and heated rebuttal to throw his way. It was a conflicting feeling… the growing concern he felt in your lack of presence pushing against his general enthusiasm for all things hope. But he supposed it just had to do with how much you embodied the hope and talent he so idolized.

“I was getting worried that no one would pick up,” Fuyuhiko said into the phone as Souda and Nagito entered the lounge.

There was a short amount of conversing back and forth as Fuyuhiko explained that they were all stuck in Strawberry Hall and asked if the residents of Grape Hall knew anything that about Nekomaru and you. “Damn… so that’s what it was! Shit! Why’d it have to be Nekomaru!? He just came back to us! And _____ too!? What the fuck is the shit!?”

Nagito didn’t catch much else of the conversation once his fears had been confirmed. You were dead. The brightest and most pure hope he’d ever met had been snuffed out just like that. His head was an incomprehensible jumble of what if’s and guilt. What if he’d refused to let go off on your own? What if he’d tried harder to get you to kill him? What if… if he’d refused to let you get close to him in the first place? What if he’d done more to protect you from his bad luck? What if- 

No… none of it mattered anyway. Nagito would just have to do what he always did when his luck finally caught up with him. He would hold back the tears that were threatening spill… ignore the clenching and stabbing pain in his heart… push down the despair that was threatening to infest and fill him and think about the bigger picture. Your dying didn't matter as long as the brightest hope won out in the end. And, oh how it would! It just had to… there was no way it couldn't! And that was what really mattered… right?


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito has some regrets...

This was the absolute definition of all or nothing. No turning back no matter how much Monomi may have been begging Nagito to do so. While she could list countless reasons for him to, he was at a loss as to why she would think he’d even want to turn back in the first place? They were so close to unlocking the mystery of the dead room and it wasn’t like he had you or your well intentioned scolding waiting for him if he left. If he were being truly honest with himself, it wasn’t like there was anyone else who would really and truly miss him if he didn’t end up surviving this game little game of luck anyway. And if he did make it out in one piece? Well then he’d make it to the octagon and go on to see another battle of ultimate hopes clashing! It was a win-win as far as he was concerned. What better use was there of such a talent as his? 

“If I’m truly the Ultimate Lucky Student, I need to survive here!” Nagito said, smiling at the terrified pink rabbit. “...Isn’t that right?”

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, Nagito relaxed against the barrel of the gun and relished in the fleeting image of your hope filled smile that passed through his mind as Monomi cried and begged him to stop. Hands shaking, his heart soared at the thought of being able to stare at that smile to his heart’s content in the afterlife. This had to have been the greatest hope he’d ever felt in his life... and it was all a result of losing you! The snuffing out of the brightest hope he’d ever met lighting the strongest hope he could imagine. How lucky he truly!

_ Click... Click.  _

A sigh and bitter chuckle escaped through Nagito’s now parted lips as he lowered and set the gun down. The ultimate lucky student, indeed. A five in six chance that he wouldn’t have to see or investigate your body. Five out of six endings that would have led to worthless trash like him possibly getting to see how bright the hope within you truly was. But that one in six chance that he survived, got to see the octagon, and continue forward with his seven remaining classmates had won out. He really wasn’t sure if he should attribute such an outcome to his good or bad luck. Either way, he knew deep down that he wouldn’t have deserved to lay eyes upon your ethereal being in the afterlife. Seeing you in your last moments… scared, cold, and alone… that was what scum like him deserved. 

“That sound just now… that was the door unlocking, right?” Nagito murmured, forcing himself to push on as Monomi stared at him with horror etched into her soft, plush features. “Looks like we finally cleared the Final Dead Room!”

“...I-I… I… I’m scared of you, Nagito…” Monomi meekly admitted.

Nagito blinked, not at all surprised by the response. It wasn’t unwarranted or uncommon from how others seemed to perceive his attitude of reckless abandon for his own well being in the name of hope. You’d been different though. Rather than being scared  _ of  _ him, you had been scared  _ for  _ him. You’d been concerned for not just his immediate safety but overall his well being as well.  He was well aware, more so than anyone else in fact, that worthless scum like himself didn’t deserve such concern or affection but he couldn’t help feeling lonely and slightly lost at the thoughts and reminders that you weren't there anymore to scold or tightly embrace him… to double and triple check that he really was okay… to care that he was around in the first place.

“...Hm? Really?” Nagito said, pushing the feelings away and looking towards the door as he set the gun down. “Oh well, let’s go… the Octagon should be just beyond that door.”

Stepping forward, Nagito opened the door and walked into The Octagon, Monomi following behind at a timid and shaky pace. Looking around, the two of them took in the surplus of weapons. “So this is the Octagon, huh…” Nagito murmured as his mind wandered from thoughts of which type of these weapons might have been used by the killer to why anyone had expected less from Monokuma. This was the home to the ultimate weapon, the two-toned bear had said just as much himself and had proved that he wasn’t one to shy away from using blunt, literal meaning rather than metaphorical rhetoric.

“Wh-what a distorted room…” Monomi said, 

“Congratulations Nagito!” Monokuma jubilantly cheered as he seemingly appeared from thin air right in front of an already jumpy Monomi.

“Ha-wa-wa!” Monomi cried out as she stumbled away and stared with shocked frustration. “He’s here!”

“Congratulations on clearing the Final Dead Room. And you even challenged yourself to the highest difficulty with only a one-sixth chance of success!” Monkuma swooned, looking at Nagito with a wonder like gleam in his dead eyes.

“It does seem like my luck was good for something this time,” Nagito forced an awkward chuckle while scratching the back of his head.

“Though, are you _reaaaaaaaaally_ sure this is what you wanted?” Monokuma pondered, quirking his head to one side before the gleam in his eyes quickly taking on a more malicious turn. “I’m going to take a **stab in the dark** and say that you were trying to **crawl** to the same fate as your _pwecious_ _____-chan?” 

Nagito froze, posture stiffening as Monokuma snickered, the two of them ignoring Monomi’s respective attempts at scolding and comforting. “Puhuhu, how delightfully despairing that your luck  **cut** that idea out of the picture!”  

Hearing the cruelly gleeful bear joke and laugh about your death… the murder of the one person who had managed to make push their way past all the walls and barriers Nagito had erected around himself… his stomach churned as he tried to keep his blood from boiling. But Monokuma continued on before he could even pull himself together enough to respond to the snide jeers. 

“Either way, I have a modest present for someone like you~” Monokuma said, twirling around to seemingly pull a stack of files out of thin air.

Deciding not to push the subject and avoid facing further taunts and spiraling, Nagito quietly took the files and began looking them over. First came the additional files from Future Foundation’s and next... everyone’s Hope’s Peak profiles. Physical proof that everyone actually all spent time together at school before Monomi had brought them all to this island. Nagito’s hands shook slightly as he stared at the folder. 

“A no good person like me spent actually spent time with everyone else at Hope’s Peak Academy…?” Nagito mused aloud, still having a hard time believing it. “No, that’s impossible! If that’s true… how did I feel…?”

How he’d felt and handled being in the same class as the ultimates was something Nagito had wondered about a lot since Monokuma had revealed the loss of everyone’s memories. But there was another question that had been nagging at his mind lately. Though it was a question he didn’t really want to think about anymore… especially since you’d been the one to have planted it in his head in the first place.

Nagito had been trying to calm you down after Mikan’s execution… he’d never be able to shake the look of terror that have overtaken your face after she revealed that she had regained her memories back due to the despair disease and shot an all too knowing look in your direction. Most of the others had been understandably confused and concerned by your reaction, Kazuichi having gone as far to accuse you of being the traitor after the execution, which had only served to worsen your state. You’d sobbed and denied the accusation but that only caused more questions to arise from the others. 

Nagito had quickly rushed to your side as you’d spiraled further and further, shakily gripping the railing of you assigned spot. He knew the truth of why you’d been so unsettled but had also been well aware that you’d never have forgiven him for revealing it to the others. Chiaki had stayed level-headed and had tried to get Kazuichi off of your case but then Akane had also started to push for answers as well. Fuyuhiko hadn’t been on board with point blank accusing you but even he admitted that something seemed suspect with how you’d been reacting. This had gotten Sonia to say that she didn’t want to believe you were the traitor but that, if you’d been hiding something, then coming forward would solve the current confusion. Both Hajime and Gundham had seemed uncharacteristically hesitant to push for answers, seeming to know more than they were letting on.

“You know…” Hajime had said. “We all have things we’d rather not be forced to share…”

“Indeed,” Gundham had offered. “Even the Supreme Overlord of Ice has things that he’d rather not confide in mere mortals about.”

“So? We’ve got a right to know if she’s been hiding something from us!” Kazuichi had argued back.

Immediately, Nagito had noticed how you’d tensed at the word, “she.” It pained him to see you constantly being made to question your own validity but keep your head down all the same. He’d want to say something so much in that moment. He wanted to correct others when you wouldn’t for yourself. He wanted to shout to the world how absolutely amazing you were as your true self. But he also knew better. He knew how unfair to you that would have been… this was something only you could open up to others about.

“I-I…” you’d said, catching everyone off guard. “I-I-I-”

“Just spit it out, would ya!?” Akane said, crossing her arms.

“I… I can’t…” you’d whimpered, looking up with the most broken and terrified expression Nagito had seen on you yet.

“And why the hell not!?” Kazuichi had shouted.

It was he’d watched you desperately stammering through your tears that something had snapped within Nagito. Before you’d known what was happening, you had found yourself being carried toward the exit of the trial grounds, Nagito looking forward as he took you away from the shouts and accusations of your friends. Kazuichi and Akane both moved to cut Nagito off, demanding answers as Hajime and Chiaki stopped them from getting too far and worked with Fuyuhiko to diffuse the situation. 

Sonia had sent a concerned look towards you and Nagito, hesitating on if she should follow after to make sure you were alright before catching sight of the look Gundham was giving her. If it had been anyone else, the look probably would have mistaken for one of contempt. But Sonia easily saw the tenderness behind it that was silently begging her to leave you be. To allow Nagito, of all people, to be there for you when you needed him most. For, as unstable as everyone saw Nagito as, it was clear that he was the only one that was close enough to you to be of any help or comfort in this moment. So she nodded before staring as Nagito made his way up the stairs with you trying your hardest to muffle your broken sobs.

It wasn’t long before Nagito was sitting on his bed, holding your trembling form close as he did his best to sooth and help you come down from your panicked state. After a while, you looked up at him, sobs having slowly morphed into teary hiccups, and did your best to speak coherently. A small string of stammers made it out of your trembling lips  before you looked back down and buried your face in his coat.

“ _ Why am I so pathetic?”  _ you’d whimpered out, though it’d been too muffled for Nagito to make any of it out.

“ _ I’m sorry _ ,” he said, pulling away slightly and lifting your chin up with a warm smile to greet you. “ _ My luck doesn’t seem to cover understanding muffled speech, so you’re going to have to repeat that. _ ”

You’d glanced away, appreciating his attempt to lighten the mood but still unable to manage a smile. “ _ Wh-why am I so pathetic? _ ” you repeated, this time barely above a whisper as tears continues to trickle down your face.

Nagito stiffened, having been taken aback by the statement. He took it as a personal attack to hear anyone, including yourself, to talk so lowly of you. You were the brightest hope he’d ever met and, though he had plenty of self doubt and issues with self-image, he couldn’t understand how you could ever think so poorly of yourself. 

“ _ You’re not pathetic, _____, _ ” Nagito said, grip tightening around you as he looked at you incredulously. “ _ And to say so is an insult to the hope and talent that shine within you! _ ”

You’d looked up at Nagito as he continued on about how amazing your talent was. The brightness of your hope. How utterly and truly remarkable you were in his eyes. You’d known that his words were, by no means, empty. He’d spoken with such conviction and passion. But you still couldn’t help but wonder if he’d so strongly about your worth if you weren’t an ultimate. And you couldn’t help but  still feel absolutely pathetic with your inability to express your true self to those around you.

_ “...Nagito?”  _ you’d said, cutting off Nagito’s current hope spiel as you’d tiredly leaned into his hold.  _ “Do you think the others accepted me if I came out before?” _

_ “O-of course!”  _ Nagito had said, despite you knowing deep down that he couldn’t know that for sure.

_ “Mmm… okay…”  _ you’d murmured, comforted slightly nonetheless as exhaustion began to overtake you. “ _ Do you think we were like this before?” _

Nagito had frozen up at this question, unsure of what to say. Though he’d soon heard light snores,  your breathing finally evened out fully, and release the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. The question had really resonated with him. Had you two been as close as now before losing your memories? Were you still able to accept him with how worthless he’d be compared to all the talents and hopes that shone within those hallowed halls? Did you still look at him with the same kindness and compassion even then? Had you even confided you insecurities and secrets to him even back then? Though he couldn’t see this happening for trash such as himself, he wished that he’d said yes to you in that moment. He wished that he’d let you know that he loved you then and there. Maybe then you'd still have been standing by his side now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's uh... it's been a while. I meant to finish this a good while back but things happened and I've been working on dealing with my depression/anxiety/dysphoria ramping up more the last few months, changing departments/shifts (going from swing shift to grave is not the easy transition I thought it would be) at work, and other various things. But the chapter is finally up and I'm happy with how it turned out for the most part.
> 
> I'm gonna be real, I'd been trying really hard to keep reader-chan gender neutral throughout this story had a lot of debate with myself about alluding as directly as I did to their secret. But I figured this is already hella self-indulgent so far so why not make it even more so? And hey, I only missed updating this on national coming out day by like two days so it works in that sense I guess. And yea, if it wasn't clear, Hajime and Gundham found out when reader-chan had the anxiety disease and had to change into a hospital gown, which caused further breaking down in that state.
> 
> Buuuuut... yea! Hopefully the next chapter won't take a 5 month hiatus to write and will be up soonish! And, given the causes of said hiatus, I just wanna say this. You're not alone in how you may be feeling. Coming out is hard. Dysphoria is hard. Transitioning is hard. Depression is hard. Anxiety is hard. Take things at your own pace, do your best to cope in healthy/non self-destructive ways, do what you gotta do to be healthy and authentic, cherish those who love and support you for who you are, and know that you are loved and cherished even if you can't always see it in the moment. I'm not always the best about logging on but feel free to message me here or on my tumblr (sleepyone2three) if you ever want/need someone to talk to. I don't judge (unless you message to say you murdered someone, then I'm probably gonna judge a bit) and am always willing to listen. Stay strong <3

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my first time writing for Danganronpa and, despite it being way different than I planned, I had a lot of fun with it. Honestly it’s been a while since I’ve had the motivation or inspiration to write in general so maybe I ended up going a bit over board? I dunno, it is what it is and I’d like to write a part two sometime soon.


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